Independent Senior Living: Advice for Children of Aging Parents
Aging parents need patience and understanding from us—as well as advice. There's a role reversal that takes place where we become the caregiver and they now require more help and guidance from us. However, the role reversal, and the need to discuss some independent living care subjects like dressing and grooming can be awkward. Author, Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, M.Ed., offers children with aging parents some helpful advice on:
- Knowing whether your parent might need more assistance
- Phrasing difficult subjects, so it's easier for all parties
- Comparing alternative independent living care facilities if needed
Does My Aging Parent Need More Assistance?
If you're unsure whether your aging parents need more assistance with independent living care, you can ask yourself the following questions:
- Mobility—Can my aging parent move around easily and keep up with the activities of daily living i.e. eating, dressing, using the restroom, and the like?
- Nutrition—Can my aging parent prepare meals? And do they?
- Hygiene—Can my aging parent take care of his/her personal needs including bathing, shaving, and dressing?
- Housekeeping—Can my aging parent keep us with household chores, such as vacuuming, cleaning, laundry, and changing linens?
- Toileting—Are my aging parents able to use the toilet without physical assistance on a regular basis?
- Medications—Does my aging parent know when and how to take each medication?
- Mental Status--Does my aging parent have the mental capacity to reason and to plan and organize daily events?
- Behavioral Status—Can my aging parent cope with feelings of depression, anger, or fear? Are you sure their actions pose no physical danger to them or others?
Best Way to Phrase a Difficult Subject
DiGeronimo recommends that:
- You keep a dialogue going about other things so that it's easier to talk about the important things with aging parents.
- You don't assume that you always know what's best for your aging parent.
- You remember to share your ideas, but don't dictate to them.
- And finally, that you remember to honor the wishes of your aging parent unless they are not mentally competent.
When phrasing tough independent living care subjects, use the following examples as a guide:
- "I noticed when you stood up that you're having a little trouble staying steady on your feet. It's really going to slow you down if you fall and break a bone. You'd be more likely to stay healthy and independent if you used a cane or a walker. Let's talk to your doctor about that."
- "If you really want to stay in your own home, then I'm going to help you make it safe. I'll be over on Saturday morning, and we'll put rug tape on the edges of your rugs, get night-lights in the halls, and fix the rickety banister."
- "I bought you this kitchen timer. I use one all the time when I put a pan or pot on the stove, and I want to remind myself that I have food cooking. I get involved in other things and forget, so this keeps me from burning dinner. Try it; it's really very helpful."
Researching Alternative Living
Once you and your aging parents agree that it's time to look into alternative independent living care arrangements, don't take over the search and try to dictate where your parent should live. Even if you're the one paying the bills, your parent needs to be actively involved in the decision-making process. Here are considerations that can help you and your parent choose the best facility that will meet their needs:
- Do you want an independent living care facility that has a flexible schedule or one that is more structured?
- Does your aging parent want to stay geographically near to family and friends?
- Do you want an independent living care facility that offers recreational activities and social programs?
- Would you prefer an independent living care facility that provides transportation to doctors, shopping, and other places?
- Do you want a facility that serves meals, or would your aging parent rather cook their own meals?
- Do you want a facility that can help with basic activities of daily living like bathing, dressing, eating, and toileting?
The Avamere Family of Companies understands the challenges and uncertainties that can arise when caring for aging parents. We can help you preserve the independence of your aging parents for as long as possible. Contact us for more information on caring for aging parents.
